I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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