I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
