He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
