if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize