I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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