just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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