i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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