I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
