I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
