party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
