Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
