im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
