Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
