looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
