? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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