Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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