I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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