This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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