im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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