question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
