shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
