Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
