Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
