saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
