Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
