remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize