Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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