I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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