what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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