Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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