Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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