The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize