so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
