he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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