she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
where does the pee come out of this thing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
