I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
