I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
