i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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