Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
