New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
