our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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