OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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