operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
