she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
