So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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