i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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