I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
