I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
