i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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