Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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