WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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