How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
