If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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