I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
