He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
