There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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