just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
