Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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