Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
