he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
