is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
