I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
