You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
