I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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