Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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