she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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