Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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