I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
