3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
