Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
